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| Michelle "Aunty Luhua" Parker She's a Chum! |
Michelle “Aunty Lehua”
Parker and I are making progress. When last she visited the Blog Mansion we had
a surprise dutch treat buffet because somebody wouldn’t buy me lunch the week
before. Then there was the whole shrimp fork incident and blood stains all over
the upholstery, but hey, she offered to drive me to the emergency room.
Now that her
insurance finally coughed up enough dough for some new seat covers, we’re
friends again and she has a new book! One Shark, No Swim, book two in the Niuhi Shark Saga. For an awesome review of
the first book, One Boy, No Water, go
no further than my little write up on Amazon.
Johnny: (in the water, belly up to the pool bar) So
Lehua, welcome again to the Blog Mansion. To make up for last time, and to make
you feel at home, I thought we’d have drinks at the pool bar.
Lehua: You’ve been
holding out on me. This pool is huge! But why is it so murky? I can’t see the
bottom.
J: Filter’s acting
up. I left a swimsuit for you on the lounge.
L: Johnny, this is a
package of dental floss and two band aides!
J: Too much?
L: You’re confusing
Hawaii with Brazil again. Wait, what are you
wearing?
J: Ah…something not
Hawaiian apparently.
L: (throws hand up) I don’t want to know.
I’m actually glad the water’s cloudier than Sponge Bob’s sexual orientation.
J: No swimee, no
interviewee.
L: Fine. Fully
clothed it is. But I’m sending you the dry cleaning bill. (splash) Johnny, this water tastes funny.
J: Saltwater.
Environmentally superior to chlorinated pools.
L: I know saltwater,
Dude, and this isn’t it.
J: Details. What you
need is a drink! I’m having a Blue Hawaii. What’ll you have? Mai Tai, Lava
Flow, Chi Chi? Oliver knows how to make them all. What’s your poison?
L: Diet Coke on the
rocks, Oliver, but make it caffeine-free, please. I’m addicted to carbonated carcinogenic
cocktails, but don’t want to stay up all night.
J: Boor-ring. But whatever. When last we
chatted, your first book One Boy No Water
was all the thing; now the second book in the Niuhi Shark Series is out. Remind
my reader about the series.
L: An adopted
Hawaiian boy named Zader is allergic to water. He also has an imaginary friend he
calls Dream Girl and a bully’s target on his back. His brother Jay is a popular
rising surf star who won’t get back in the ocean after a shark scare. Zader
figures out a way to keep Jay safe, and it’s the first time he’s able to be the
protector instead of the guy getting rescued. At the end, in a nightmare Dream
Girl tells Zader he’s in danger, calls him brother, jumps into the ocean, and
turns into a shark.
J: Now—without spoilers—I’m
watching you—give us a tease of One Shark, No Swim.
L: Zader suspects
he’s Niuhi, a shark that can appear as human. Before deciding whether or not to
jump into the ocean and find out, he learns knife-fighting skills, meets his
biological parents, and escapes through a bathroom window.
J: How is it to write
a sequel?
L: The actual writing
was much easier, but finding the time to write it was harder. With the first
book I just sat down and wrote it. With the second book my time was split
between blogging, social media marketing, editing books for other authors,
building websites, creating classroom materials, and reviewing books. I had to
learn how to manage my time better. It helped when I realized those
free-loading children of mine were really indentured servants.
J: Have you outlined
the whole series? Do you know how it ends?
L: Originally it was
sold as a five book series. In my head I knew the major beats in each book. But
Jolly Fish Press now wants just a trilogy with the possibility of books four and five. I’m having to adjust what’s in my head vs.
what’s actually printed in the books so a trilogy will make sense. I think I
know how book three ends and where it begins, but I don’t know what happens in
the middle. That’s typical for me. I don’t outline much on paper. I tend to
plan each day’s writing mentally in the shower and then at some point write the
ending and work backward.
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| Box Jellyfish courtesy Uncle Bunco's Used Fish Mart |
J: Oliver, that Blue
Hawaii was outstanding. I’ll have another.
L: Me, too. Let’s get
crazy. Oliver, can you add a twist of lemon to mine? (Pointing) What’s that?
J: You mean that
plastic bag thingy floating over there?
L: Plastic bag? Are
you sure, because to me it looks like—
J: That’s a
Jellyfish.
L: A box jellyfish!
J: Yep. I can buy
fifty gallons of box jellyfish for $35 at Uncle Bunco’s Used Fish Mart. Such a
deal.
L: Johnny, those
things are highly toxic!
L: But the clown fish
over there likes them. I named him “If you point at me at say, ‘FOUND HIM’ one
more time, I’ll tear your heart out.” It’s all terribly expensive, even used,
but since I have a book out, BEATRYSEL,
now available on Amazon in trade paperback and eBook, I can afford it.
L: Did you just
hijack my interview to plug your book?
J: Details. Really, Lehua,
it’s so tiresome to talk about you. But I understand you’re going to have hula
girls at the book launch of One Shark, NoSwim.
L: That’s the hope.
J: Fire dancing
dudes?
L: Nope. Something
about OSHA, tinder, paper, liability, blah, blah, blah. Bookstore lawyers suck.
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| Blue Hawaii courtesy Oliver |
J: So no tiki
torches?
L: No.
J: Can I wear tie-dye
and bring a lighter?
L: Knock yourself
out.
J: Cool. Where is it?
L: It’s at the Barnes & Noble in Layton, Utah, on Saturday, October 19th, starting at 5 pm. We’re bringing a little
aloha to the desert.
J: Are you giving
away books?
L: Are you mad? (whispers) See me later. I’ll hook you
up. (flails in the water) Ouch! Something
just took a chunk out of my thigh!
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| "Morey" courtesy Uncle Bunco's Used Fish Mart |
J: Oh, that was
Morey.
L: Morey?
J: Morey. The eel.
Get it? He lives under the bar. It was just a love peck. He likes you.
L: I’m bleeding.
J: Nah, that’s
nothing. Besides, saltwater’s the best thing for wounds. Great for detox.
L: Oliver, I need a
tourniquet. Please hand me that dish towel and a spoon. Thanks.
J: You’re such a
drama queen. Don’t be ungrateful. Most places charge an arm and a leg for wildlife
encounters. Anyway, how’s it been to publicize your series? Has it caught hold
in Hawaii?
L: Frankly, when
you’re thousands of miles and an ocean away, it’s a hard sell. Jolly Fish Press
just inked a deal with IPG to distribute the series, and they’re working on a
re-launch with new editions in February 2014. JFP thinks IPG will be able to
get physical books on the shelves in Hawaii. The few copies I sent to Hawaiian libraries
last year are worn out. Islanders who read the series really like it, it’s just
been tough to get it in their hands. Middle graders are not big eBook readers;
at least not yet. Parents and kids want to handle the books before they buy.
Schools want to meet the authors in person. It would all be simpler if I were
there.
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| "Oliver" courtesy Uncle Bunco's Used Fish Mart |
J: I have to say that
I love the way you set the tale. I feel like I’m on the beach. Much of that
local color comes from Pidgin. Talk a little about that in One Shark, No Swim.
L: It’s a chicken and
egg thing. I wrote the books particularly for island boys who don’t like to
read and have seldom seen people like them in print. I shouldn’t be surprised
that they aren’t buying it—they aren’t even looking
for something like this. The only way to get their attention is to sell it
first to kids who like to read, but don’t necessarily speak Hawaiian Pidgin
English. That means changing most of the heavy Pidgin dialogue into something a
lot closer to American English so schools and kids outside of Hawaii are more
receptive. Non-Pidgin speaking adult readers don’t seem to have a problem with
the language, just kids. Too bad it’s a MG/YA title. As I’m preparing the
second editions, I’m trying to find ways to make it more palatable without
watering down the Mai Tais to the point where you lose the island flavor.
J: You mean Blue
Hawaiis. I’m on my third. Want another Coke? Might slow the bleeding.
L: I am feeling a little woozy. Do you hear
music? I hear a lot of bass, but just two notes. E to F? No, F to F#. Da-dum.
Da-dum.
J: I don’t hear
anything. Give me your links, so I don’t have to struggle to stalk you.
J: After reading your books, I want to go to Hawaii. If only there was an easy way to get there without the TSA molesting me and stealing my stuff.One Boy, No WaterOne Shark, No Swim
L: Wear what you’ve
got on now; I guarantee no security guard’s going to get close. (head whip) What’s that?
L: A fin. A shark’s fin. And then a flash.
J: Are you sure?
L: I think so. But
it’s the Diet Coke, right? I mean, there’s no way—
J: Drat! You’ve seen
your surprise. They were on sale at Uncle Bunco’s. I got six of them on
close-out.
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| Shark with a friggin' laser beam attached to its head courtesy Uncle Bunco's Used Fish Mart |
J: No, check it out.
Sharks! Sharks with friggin’ laser beams on their heads!
L: Johnny, move it.
We need to get out of the water right now!
J: What do you mean
us? You’re the one bleeding into the pool.
WAAAY entertaining as always, Johnny! Loved what you added, Lehua! Had me laughing SO hard. :) Shared it!
ReplyDeleteJohnny, you owe me $39.26 in dry cleaning. Still waiting on the bill from the ER.
ReplyDeleteNot going to happen. I had to pay $150 to the vet because Morey has rabies! I know he didn't have them before he bit you. Uncle Bunco assured me he was rabies free when I bought him, though it was strange he brought it up.
DeleteIs anybody else thirsty or it it just me?
Delete