F.J.R. Tichenell - Of Zombies and Jalapenos

F.J.R. Tichenell
aka Fiona Carter

There’s no better way to start than summer than a Cinco de Mayo. Actually it’s required. You can’t get to June without passing through May, and Cinco is definitely on the road. But there’s also no better way to start a writing career than with a book. Maybe one called Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of). That’s where F.J.R. Titchenell comes in, who I’m going to call Fiona because that’s her bloody name. That confused me forever on FaceBook — that FJR stuff. WTH? Well, I’ll find out.

We actually didn’t get the interview done on Cinco de Mayo. We were otherwise engaged. The following exchange occurred Seis de Mayo. The day after. Late in the afternoon.

Johnny: So what the hell? What’s with the initials?

Fiona: Don’t talk so loud.

Johnny: Ouch. You either... and don’t duck the question.

Fiona: Okay, fine. They stand for Fiona Jane Robin, and Titchenell is my maiden name. I kept it as a pen name as sort of my compromise on the whole changing my name or not changing my name marriage debate. Husband’s name for legal and personal use, father’s name for professional use. Problem solved. Plus I already had some short stories out under Titchenell when I got married, and unlike Carter, the Titchenell name is nearly dead and has never been famous yet, so it’s really easy to Google without finding a bunch of stuff you’re not looking for. Very useful for an author.

Johnny: But what’s with the initials?

Fiona: Getting to that. My mother insisted on giving me two middle names, because multiple middle names are common in Australia, where she grew up, and she didn’t have any middle names and was jealous. My father wanted me to be an author right from the beginning, so the multiple middle names grew on him when he connected the idea with J.R.R Tolkien. Hence “J.R” as my middle initials. How could I not use the initials as my author name when that’s what I was given them for, and then in spite of everything we know about how parents’ plans necessarily go awry, I actually did grow up to be an author?

That is a worm in the
bottom of a Tequila bottle.
They do that on purpose!

Johnny: Eh, my head. You don’t talk so loud.

Fiona: ’Scuse me for gathering the wherewithal to answer a question. How much did you have, anyway?

Johnny: I remember shots. Did I eat a worm at the bottom of a bottle? I don’t remember much after that.


Fiona: You’re asking me? I’m a lightweight… relatively. Did we split that whole bottle? Feel dead on my feet. Or at least like something dead on its feet scooped out most of my brain.

Johnny: Speaking of zombies, tell me about your book, what’s it called?

Fiona: I told you yesterday! Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of)!

Johnny:  Ha! Gotcha! Wouldn’t that be Van Helsing?

Fiona: No, he’s a Vampire slayer. Big difference. No vampires in my debut novel.

Johnny: Oh. Well okay. So, tell me about it. Funny? Sad? Scary? Heart-warming?

Fiona: All of the above, I’m told. It’s about a group of teenagers who take a road trip across zombie-infested America to rescue one of their friends who got stranded in New York when the apocalypse struck. It’s about them working out their problems with themselves, with each other, and learning to keep their sanity, remember to laugh, and build new lives. And yes, there are some scares and tragedies along the way.

Johnny: Near future dystopia, zombie infested America? Check. What caused the zombie-near-apocalypse?

Fiona: It’s not dystopia! Why do people keep saying that? “Dystopia” isn’t synonymous with “YA with Sci-Fi elements,” you know. To have a dystopia, you have to have an organized society to criticize. Apocalyptic chaos is the opposite of organized society. Anyway, apocalyptic chaos also makes it pretty tough for a bunch of kids to know why a disaster of global proportions is happening. It’s not like they can get on their iPhones and look it up. If there is any organization left looking into it, they don’t have any way to broadcast the answers. Besides, we’ve all heard all the different explanations for zombies already. They’re here, okay? Does it matter why?

Johnny: Okay, okay. Damn can you stop that cat from stomping around, like that? My poor head.

My cat.

Fiona: Shhhhhh…. Don’t yell at me. It’s your cat.

Johnny: Yes. I definitely ate a worm. Why do they put worms in bottles? Hell of a Happy meal toy. Do your zombies eat worms? Brains? Brains polluted with tequila worms?

Fiona: Brains. Flesh. They’re not picky. And I don’t think the worm could have made that much difference by the time we got to it.

Johnny: Tell me about Cassie Fremont. Is she like you? Does she leave tracers when she moves, like you?

Fiona: No, no tracers, not even on the morning after a particularly epic night she and her friends spend barricaded in Graceland with a full bar cart and a collection of Elvis movies no one could be expected to sit through sober, which for some reason springs readily to mind today. She’s got almost all my ladylike refinement, though. And my habit for sarcasm.

Cactuses

Johnny: Did I eat a cactus?

Fiona: Got spines in your tongue?

Johnny: I was thinking the tracers.

Fiona: No, wait, that part I remember, you couldn’t have! I thought it was weird how you padlocked the desert garden before opening the bar.

Johnny: But I gave the key to the DJ. And the DJ’s still passed out in the bathtub. Do you think she still has it?

Fiona: Uh…

Johnny: What’s the age group for Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of)?

Fiona: Probably younger than this conversation. I’ve had some parents read it and call it utterly inappropriate for young adults and others recommend it to their twelve-year-olds. It’s YA, I’d say early YA. I consider it quite restrained, especially compared with the much edgier YA Horror I’m working on down the line, but I don’t want anyone saying I misled them, so I’ll just tell you what’s in it like they do with movies. It’s got hard PG13 language, yeah, including the one permitted F word, underage drinking, plenty of zombie violence, but very little human-on-human violence and no sex more explicit than the vaguest of implications. Readers and parents, make your own choices. I really don’t feel so good. Is this carpet important to you, Johnny? Johnny?

Johnny: I heard you. You remember when I woke up and ate those jalapeño buttons?

Jalapeño buttons?

Fiona: Yeah?

Johnny: I don’t think they were jalapeños.

Fiona: Oh.

Johnny: Stop wiggling. Tell me about your path to publication. I’m always interested in how writers become authors.

Fiona: Well, I’ve been writing all my life, started getting serious about publishing in my late teens, got some short stories out in anthologies and and wrote a few novels that never got off the ground, including the start of a Paranormal Romance-y YA Fantasy epic that was the first one I finally got the nerve to send out. A long string of agents told me it showed promise but was phenomenally poorly timed for the market. So I went back to the drawing board with the next idea that grabbed me, which was Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of). Because zombies are cooler than fairies, and because I’d had more writing practice by then, and mostly because I’m sublimely lucky, that manuscript caught the eye of Jennifer Mishler, my super amazing agent. She placed it with Jolly Fish Press, and-

Johnny: What’s that freakin’ noise? That incessant mind-crushing clamor?

Mexican Zombie.
Seemed appropriate.

Fiona: My phone’s on vibrate. Wait a minute. Is today the 6th?

Johnny: Yeah. I said that in the intro.

Fiona: The intro you gave the audience two days from now? Sue me, my time-displaced Spanish is rusty. Today’s the launch date for Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of)!

Johnny: And…?

Fiona: And I’m hungover at your blog mansion covered in piñata paper and margarita salt.

Johnny: And….?

Fiona: And I’ve got book things to do.

Johnny: And….?

Fiona: And I had some of those jalepeño buttons too.


You can find out more about Fiona, F.J.R. Titchenell and Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know of) by following the links below. Just keep your voice down. We can hear colors right now.

Links:

Website
Facebook
Twitter
Goodreads
Amazon listing

Jo Schnieder – of addicts and magic

Jo Schnieder
Addicted to things.

I took debut author Jo Schnieder fresh off just releasing her first book New Sight, to an addiction addicts anonymous meeting. I love going to them. I can’t stop.

Johnny: You ever been to one of these before?

Jo: Nope. But I’ve been to Comic Con a couple of times. Feels pretty similar.

Johnny: This one is a little different. It’s for addiction addicts.

Jo: Did you stutter? Because sometimes you say crazy stuff, Johnny. I have to verify.

Johnny: People here are addicted to being addicted to things.

Microphone: I’m Perry and I’m addicted to sepia.

Crowd: Hello Perry.

Perry (crying): I had a relapse. Last thing I remember, was that I was at lunch and the next thing I know, I’m at the library in the rare photos collection surrounded by civil war daguerreotype.

Sepia

Crowd: gasps.

Johnny whispering in the back: Your book’s about addiction isn’t it? And magic. Two things near to my heart. Tell me about it.

Jo: Well, the main character, Lysandra, is consumed by the need to rip people’s eyes out of their sockets. She thinks she’s crazy—pretty logical conclusion. Turns out she’s a magic user (which is all hush-hush in the world) and that magic is more than a tiny bit addictive. Magic is connected to one of the users senses, and  Lys’ sense is sight. Thus the eyeball fetish. Creepy? Why yes, it is. Thanks for noticing.

Johnny: Have you any experience with addiction? Drugs? Cleaning? Sepia tones? Any family in rehab for Otter Pops?

Jo: I don’t really have an addictive personality. Maybe chocolate? But I think that one’s so wide-spread that it’s been taken off the addiction list. More like a societal need. You know? Back me up on this or I whip out my Kung Fu and make you cry like a little girl.  Er, I mean, did I answer your question?

Johnny: Is New Sight a standalone? Is there a series planned?

Jo: New Sight can stand alone, but I have a two other books planned for the series. If only I can convince the publisher that they’re awesome…

Microphone: My names Shannon and I’m addicted to lint.

Crowd: Hello Shannon.

Johnny: Tell me about your setting, the modern era with fantasy and magic. What’s urban fantasy exactly?

Jo: Urban fantasy is basically magic in the big city. Not much of my book takes place in the big city (unless you count to seedy sewers under Las Vegas) so maybe mine is more rural fantasy? Naw, I just call it a YA contemporary fantasy novel. Our time, our setting, our world but magic is lurking in the shadows. My favorite “setting” is the climax of the book at Druid Arch. The place is awesome. I tricked a couple of friends into hiking there with me. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.

Druid Arch

Johnny: You’re getting some press about addressing modern day issues. Is that addiction or is there more?

Jo: Mostly just the addiction. I admit that I’ve taken years to perfect my chocolate need. It would really suck to end up like Lys, addicted to something you’ve never gotten to try, abuse or make a bad habit out of. She doesn’t really have a choice, the rest of us do. Even if we can’t see it.

Johnny: Tell me about the eye-patch promotion.

Jo: Well, before the story starts Lys actually attacks someone to get their eye. She uses a spoon. When she realizes what she’s doing, Lys stops and tries to take her own eye out. So she’s wearing an eye patch when the story starts. No pirates involved. Sadly.

Johnny: What books and authors besides my debut occult thriller (upmarket horror) Beatrysel, now available from Amazon and at The King's English Bookstore in Sugarhouse and my much anticipated Young Adult paranormal Eleanor (The Unseen) coming July 1st, have influenced you?

Jo: Well, I classify it as an X-Men-ish story. But the local paper said that if people liked Michael Vey and the Hunger Games that they would like New Sight. I do admit that it’s fantastical, full of action, cool technology and powers. Everybody wants powers, right? But mostly your novel. Of course.

Shopping!

Two people sitting in front of us: What are you two talking about?

Johnny & Jo: Football. What are you two talking about?

The two, in unison: Shopping.

Microphone: I’m addicted to salt water taffy hair gel with red number 7.

Johnny: So where you from?

Jo: I’ve lived in Utah, Colorado, Idaho and Washington (the state). But I’ve traveled all over the place. That was my consolation prize (which I pretty much loved) for not being married for 38 years. I’ve been to China, Israel, Peru, Russia, all over Europe, England several times, Toronto, Mexico, Aruba…but never the Grand Canyon. Gotta get on that.

Johnny: How was your journey to publishing? How did you go from writer to author?

Jo: I made up my mind to get a book traditionally published. I took a year writing it before pitching it to an agent who rejected it. So I re-worked it again and sent New Sight out into the scary world of editors and agents. After about 25 rejections Jolly Fish Press picked it up! Mostly I wrote my guts out. That first year of really writing I spent every free second I had writing and re-writing New Sight.

Johnny: 25 whole rejections huh...

Microphone: I’m Peter and I’m addicted to eating.

Crowd: Hello Peter.

Peter: I can’t stop. I can’t go more than a couple days without food before the withdrawals drive me to eat again.

Crowd: sympathetic clucks.

Food: an insidious ultimately fatal addiction.

Peter: I’m doomed. I’ve learned through my extensive research that no one who has ever had my addiction survived. It has killed them all. I’m on a clock. Sooner or later, whether I eat or not, I’ll die.

Crowd: gasps.

Jo: Wait? Eating? He’s addicted to eating? Maybe I’m addicted to eating too!

Johnny: Yeah. Marge over there will get up and talk about her addiction to oxygen in a minute. It’s tearing her apart. She can’t even come to a meeting without breathing right in front of us. She's hopless.

Jo: Yeah, oxygen would be a tough one. I can stop anytime, by the way. Why do you come here?

Johnny: I’m addicted.

Jo: Oh. right.

Johnny: What are you digits? Where can people find you on the net?

Jo's links:

BLOG
Amazon 
Barnes & Noble
Goodreads

Johnny: Grab a pillow. Here comes Marge.

Jo: What's the pillow for?

Johnny: We're making Marge go cold turkey tonight. Kind of an intervention.

Jo: With pillows?

Johnny: She's the one addicted to oxygen, remember?

Ten Great Things from my Salt Lake Comic Con FanXperience

Last week I attended the Salt Lake ComicCon FanXperience and it was awesome. I've had a little time to recover and reflect now, and in the ways of internet lists, and as a journal entry for my life, here are ten great things from my FanX experience.

1 - I Survived
    Yes this is hyperbole, but not as much as it sounds. I did not go into the three day event well. The day before the convention, I had lunch with my friends and they poisoned me somehow. I’m not sure how it was done, or if it was one of them or all of them, but that night, the one before the convention, I got violently sick. My body was racked with pain, my guts knotted themselves into epileptic worms, my temp shot up, I exuded more sweat than usual and didn’t sleep a wink. It was not an auspicious start.

    But like that was going to stop me from going.
    I gave up solid food for coffee and Imodium and fasted for days in the hopes that I wouldn’t have to spend my time at Comic Con in the bathroom wondering which end to aim where. That, lots of pills, and the fact that I have a pretty good calorie reserve around my middle, did the trick and kept me running. Even so the sweats hit me like a summer squall about ever three hours, alternating hot and cold which delighted the unsupervised dodge-ball playing monkeys in my stomach who took each new storm as an excuse to restart the game.
    Also on the day before the con, I should ad, I slammed my hand against a steel girder while running up stairs. I’m clumsy with dirty glasses and not used to running. Or stairs. Or hands apparently. I got a big goose egg and a bug tender ringed bruise that’ll come into play later.
    Sick and tired, hungry, sweaty and sore, I went to FanX unsure if I'd make it. I did (obviously) and challenged as I was, it was one of the best experiences of my life.

2 - Family

My Teemo
"Seething Ball of Rage"

    I was accompanied to the convention by my sons. Miraculously enough FanX was held over spring break for my youngest and my eldest doesn’t need sleep before finals. Therefore, I got to experience the color and clamor with my boys. Together we picked out cultural reference we shared and I learned about the new ones I missed while educating them about the old. We bonded. It was awesome.
    I should say that I wasn’t the only one there bonding with family. This is Utah. We have families and the planners know this and took advantage of it in the best possible ways.  There was a side “Kid-Con” going on, with RC robots, dancing, legos and plenty of Star Wars. Memories to last a lifetime were being handed out for the taking. The next generation of fans were being brought into the fold with excited grins, contagious laughter and more than a few Elsas in ice blue gowns and braids.


3 - The Crowds
    There is such an energy at a convention like ComicCon FanX that if you haven’t been to one, it’s difficult to describe. I heard it was particularly acute in Salt Lake because we’ve been starved for such an event for so long.

The coolest fans!

    Comic Cons are celebrations of "fringe" popular culture. They are parties. They are love-fests for those particular tastes we’re often too embarrassed to admit to. But not at the Con. At the con, we rejoice in the imaginative and far out. We get close to our heroes and icons, movie stars and Bat-Mobiles. We’re swamped with memorabilia that takes us back to our childhood or last Sunday’s episode all the while surrounded by 100,000 of like-minded people all doing the same thing. Everyone’s on a similar wavelength, enjoying the experience, happy to be there, gladdened by the crowds of similarly enlightened strangers who they recognize as their friends.
    I didn’t need to eat those days at the con - I was fueled by the overwhelming surplus of positive energy from the crowds.

4 - The Panels
    I got to sit on six panels during the con and they were all great fun. I got to share what little insight I’ve gleaned from my experiences as a writer and social critic. I got to hang out with great people and make new friends. To tell the truth, I got a lot more than I gave. I picked up so much good advice about writing and horror, genres, marketing and storytelling. I'd have gone to the panels anyway. Having such a great seat was, well, freakin' great.
     In celebration, I gave away bunches of books. I handed out cards, shook hands, glowed with shared energy. I may have made a few fans, but I know I made a lot of friends.

Me in good company!

5 - The Floor

   Remember when going to the mall was fun? I'd forgotten until I got down among the acres of vendor booths at FanX. What a fantastic dreamscape of art and memorabilia, books and toys that was. So wonderful. And then to make things even more unbelievable, along the back wall where the crowds were paricularly electric, there are booths of celebrities. I won’t go through the list, but I should mention that most of Star Trek TNG was there including Patrick Stewart. Oh, and Nathan Fillian, Captain Hammer himself all under our same roof shaking hands, taking pictures, signing autographs and hanging out.

6 - Karl Urban
    Karl Urban is so handsome I’d kiss him. He’s been in many of the recent science fiction movies that I think really matter, Star Trek reboot, Riddick and Dredd.
    Here's my story: I was on my way to a panel when I saw Karl heading the other way in the same corridor. He had security with him. Security all wore red shirts by the way. Knowing not to mess with the celebs, I simply took a step back and bowed my head and hands in a Wayne’s World “I’m not Worthy” posture. He smiled and shook my hand.
    It was my bruised hand (told you I’d get back to that). Pained as it was, I  shook his and relished in the pain. It was like I was given special nerve endings for that weekend just so Karl Urban could squeeze them and cement the moment.
    It was cool. A brush with fame, a moment of my life where it intersected with his. It hurt, a little, but still, it was cool.

7 - The Train
    I rode the Utah Transit Authority Trax to the convention hall. It was my first encounter with modern transport in Utah and I was  impressed. Effective, timely and so much less hassle than having a car downtown. Not only am I a Comic Con fan, I’m now a Trax fan. Go Mass Transit! Save the City! I understand the convention helped UTA set a new ridership record. I was there.

8 - Cosplay
    Comic Con is a party where the best guests come in costume. I don’t care where you spent your Halloween, the masquerade party FanX put it to shame. There’s "people watching" and then there’s "Cosplay watching." We are geeks and nerds, fans of the extreme persuasion and among us, you may see Master Chief and Ursula in the same room. Star Fleet red-shirts and rebel brown-coats mingling with Imperial Stormtroopers and Transformers. Some costumes were good, some were great, some will take your breath away and make you wonder if they stole it. You can wander for hours in the halls of a con like this gawking and watching. Every costume-filled hallway is a quiz of cool - Airbenders and Elves, Doctors, Oods and Cybermen all getting along. What a place.

9 - Edward James Olmos and my question
    When I was in graduate school I studied BladeRunner with an eye toward making it the cornerstone of a thesis. I never had to write that thesis, but the movie is as much a part of my education as algebra.
    (SPOILERS) Back before the director’s cut and the 5-Disc DVD and Blu-Ray editions, I cottoned onto the possibility that Deckard, the Harrison Ford character was a Replicant. In the first voice-overed version of the film, most of the clues were taken out. But not all. Sensing the possibility, I felt like I’d found treasure and the movie exploded with new meaning and power.
    Then the discs came out and the question was shown to be central and my insight proven right (insofar as it was a question). Decades after the film's initial release Ridley Scott admitted not only to the possibility but even to the reality that Deckard was in fact a Nexus Six.  But what I wanted to know is if at the time of filming Scott had let the cast in on that possibility.
    Enter Edward James Olmos, one of the coolest actors on the planet and BladeRunner alumni. As Gaff in the film, way back when, he was the other detective, a quiet but surly, origami-folding streetwise character that is the crux to the whole twist.

    Enter Edward James Olmos at Salt Lake ComicCon FanXperience.
    I attended Olmos’s huge ballroom panel and stood in line to ask him the question, to find out if Gaff knew - or, more to the point, if Edward James Olmos knew, if Ridley Scott had mentioned the possibility to him and thus pull a racist portrayal out of the actor.
    I didn’t get to ask my question. But I did get to stand under the screen a few yards away and thoroughly enjoyed his talk.
    I tried him at his table after the panel and couldn’t get to him before my panel began. But the next day, just as he’s setting up I caught him. I shook his hand, got a fantastic signed picture and got the answer that has troubled me for decades.
    No. No one on the set had the slightest inkling that Deckard was/could be a replicant. They thought they were just making a new kind of detective noir while a racing against a looming director’s strike in Hollywood.
    Thus is the genius of Ridley Scott and the power of film.

10 - Organization
    Last year’s Salt Lake ComicCon blew the doors off. It was so popular that people had to be turned away on Saturday. People who’d gotten in couldn’t re-enter due to the Fire Marshal's concerns. It was the surprise event of geekdom. In its first try, Salt Lake ComicCon became the third biggest con in the country. Check out these stats.

It was so big that the producers decided to make it twice a year. Bold move considering the expense and work needed and the novelty of the event in the city. Would fans come again to both FanX in the April and ComicCon in September?
    I was one of the people who’d been turned away on that Saturday. I watched to see if the same crowds and confusion that beset the last one repeated at this one.
    I saw the crowds but none of the confusion. The planners of FanX did their job well. Everything was smooth and crisp. Lines were managed. Food was managed. Panels, events, parties  - everything came off so smoothly that I heard not a single word of complaint from the hundreds of people I talked to. The proof of a successful organizing effort is in its invisibility. The mechanisms should just work and no one notices. Thus it was. The volunteers and paid staff were excited and helpful, professional and effective, handy but invisible. I'm sure there were crises, fire needing to be put out, but it was all done before I could smell the smoke.
    I can only imagine how much work went into it the process before I got there. I saw some of the activity behind the curtains and can only marvel at the whole enterprise’s smoothness.
    Well done folks. You’ve raised the bar and set a firm foundation for an enduring event. Class act all around. A safe place for grown-ups to be children and for children to play. Thanks. Well done. Well done indeed.

I’ll see you in September for the next one!

An Out of Body Experience – League of Utah Writers Spring Workshop

Last Saturday I had the awesome opportunity to teach two classes at the League of Utah Writer’s Spring Workshop.

I taught two classes, such trivial and throwaway literary subjects as Symbolism and Foreshadowing. Yeah. No pressure.

I spent months working on my presentations. No joke. I was nervous and the only way to tackle nervousness is by action. Oh, boy did I act. I built a slide presentaiton, learned and relearned and then edited and re-edited and cut and pasted and edited again years of post graduate critical thinking and cobwebs into something like a presentation that writers could get something from to help their writing.

And of course the batteries to my remote died seconds before I went on.

Emily Younker, this year’s president of the League of Utah Writers, stepped up and pushed the little arrow keys on my computer so I didn’t have to wing it with a soft shoe and questionable memories of what I was doing. Thanks Emily.

Once the technology was wrangled, and the people sat down and looked up at me, I went into the zone. I spoke for hours and I’ll be damned if I can remember any of it now, except in theory, which I’d practiced and thought about for months. I was possessed and displaced. I functioned and made jokes and explained what I needed to, spread the DNA of my writing theory, but it was done by proxy as I was somewhere else. In a zone.

All in all I think I did alright. They were classes and not workshops. I did all the talking and my audience listened, occasionally nodded and seemed to like what I was saying. I think. I don’t remember it exactly, but I am pretty sure that no one threw vegetables. A couple of people did walk out though. Strange I remember that. I’m having them traced now. Watch the papers for mysterious deaths in the coming weeks.

My feedback was positive and I’ve been offered more time at the Fall conference. Three classes then. So it’s all good. Another trip to the zone in September. See you there. Or not. Even if you’re there.

I may or may not repeat these subjects then so I have at least one new one to start worrying about now. Yes. I’ll start worrying about it now. Or soon anyway. First, I’ll worry about this weekend.

I’ll be at Salt Lake Comic Con FanX the next few days. I’m not presenting, but I do get a seat on a couple of panels. I’m stoked. I’m up against William Shatner for one of them, so I’m not getting my hopes up, but we’ll see. I’ll slide into a zone and let you know what happens.

If you're around, check out my events page and let's hook up.

Dr. Stuart's Heart

This all happened so quickly that I’ve neglected to officially announce the release of my new book.

I proudly present:

Dr. Stuart's Heart

A lifetime trying. A lifetime reaching, pressing the boundaries between the worlds. A lifetime spent longing for what was lost. Dr. Randy Stuart weathered the years and learned the ways but even his all-consuming love could not facilitate his needs until a brilliant graduate student supplied him with a vessel.

Dr. Stuart's Heart is a Beatrysel short. It is a standalone story and can be accessed and enjoyed without context to the novel it's related to, but if you know Beatrysel, you'll be so much more informed.

Hopefully, after reading Dr. Stuart's Heart, new fans will be find their way into the strange and Magickal world of Beatrysel. Current lovers of the story will gain new insight into the Magus' child, her history, creation and cost.


Dr. Stuart’s heart is more than a short story and less than a novella, which is shorter than a novel. It is a “novelette” at 7,500 words — 44 pages.

Dr. Stuart's Heart, along with Beatrysel is available now on Amazon as a Paperback and for Kindle from Omnium Gatherum Media.

Check it out. Drop me a review.

Welcome to the circle.

Book Trailers Part 5 - Dénouement

Today, Droogs, we're going to wrap up my long strange trip into Book Trailers with some observations from insiders and, of course, I get the last word. It's my Blog Mansion. Do they pay the electrical bills? The dolphin chow bill? Chase my free-range scorpions back to their corral every Sunday before Church? No. I do. So I get the last word.

I started this little escapade a while ago and chose a bunch of book trailers from my friends and the YouTube machine and pondered their significance and effectiveness. At the time, I thought it would be easier if I broke them down into categories depending upon their approach. I came up with five categories and have looked at them each in turn. Here's the list with links so you can go back and see for yourself:

•     The Blurb Spot
•     The Mood Medley
•     The Narrative Snippet
•     The God-Awful Infomercial
•     The “Hey Looky Here!”
•     Dénouement <<< YOU ARE HERE

Today, we're going to let the celluloid dust settle and think about the most important facet of book trailers - their effectiveness and use.

I didn't get in to talk to anyone in the Big 5 about this. God knows I've been trying to assualt their ivory towers for years. I'm almost to the point were I could get arrested at Random House, but that's about it. Instead, I talked to the bloggers, sloggers and soldiers in the trenches, publishers and publicists who're doing the work with small presses where the budgets are realistic and publicity is hard won.

I bring you two publicists and two publisher/authors who also both just happen to have works noticed by the gods of the Bram Stoker Award® this year. Let's hear what they have to say.


BEVERLY BAMBURY
Publicist Beverly Bambury Publicity

There is an unfortunate lack of hard data about book trailers. From what I've gathered in my time promoting books and through my own research, if a trailer doesn't go viral (at least on a modest scale) it has no discernible effect on book sales. Now, if you can put a really nice one together you may be able to get blog posts announcing your book and including the trailer--as opposed to typical guest blogging--so it's not that book trailers have no use at all, but given how resource-heavy they are to do well (either with time or money) there is a really good chance it's not going to be an effective use of your resources to do one.

Timothy Ferriss gives some interesting information and resources on virality here, but even this information is skewed in the sense he was already famous when he made this trailer, so Lisa A. New-Author is not as likely to get the same number of views and shares as Ferriss. This doesn't mean it can't happen, but we're talking lottery odds here. There are so many trailers, and many of them are at least decent. Some are good. But with signal-to-noise being a problem, there's never any guarantee.

One other resource to share, Helen and Laura Marshall started a series of blog posts about book trailers. Their initial post discussing book trailers in general as well as the numerous problems surrounding them is good, but perhaps the best part is when they break it down into trailer types. Unfortunately they've only gotten to the first one so far, what they call the Character Trailer, but that's well worth a read for fiction writers.

Thinking about this as rationally as possible: you probably shouldn't spend money or time on a book trailer--unless you have plenty of whichever one it is you need. If you have plenty of money, you can pay people who know what they're doing. And when I say this, I mean get proof. Have them show you videos they've produced that have had a good reach. If you have lots of time, you can learn how to create your own trailer; although, this still takes money in getting the right program if you don't already have one which can be hundreds of dollars.

In other words, do it if you can do it right, and if not, spend your time and money on what you can do best.

Oh, and this illustrates what I've observed really well. I just found it:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-07-06/features/ct-prj-0708-book-trailers-20120706_1_book-trailers-publishers-videos

LORI MICHELLE
Managing Editor Dark Moon Digest and Dark Eclipse
CFO/Layout, Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing
Editor of Bram Stoker® Preliminary Balloted Bleed,
Author of Dual Harvest

Ok so I gave this some thought, on medication, and off (this weather is going to kill me). Honestly, I have never done a book trailer for any book I have written, edited or published. I have always wanted to, but never have had the extra five minutes to put one together. I think they can be effective, especially when trying to capture the younger generation. I know my daughter doesn't Google anything, she YouTube's it. So there is some merit there. As for any fast and hard conclusions, I have nothing to compare. So, you can take from this what you want, or throw me out the window. :)

KATE JONEZ,
Publisher/Editor Omnium Gatherum Media
Author of Bram Stoker® Nominated Candy House

Nothing discourages me from reading a book more than a bad book trailer. (Except maybe a poorly written book description) The second I see slides that don't fit the screen, stock transitions that come with free software and poorly chosen font that isn't lined up properly I feel fairly certain that the book it's advertising is going to be equally amateurish.

Making a good book trailer requires a whole set of specialized skills that takes many years to master. It's reasonable to expect to pay as much or more for the book trailer as for the cover or editing. A couple of Omnium Gatherum authors have make excellent book trailers (see below). Not all authors are lucky enough to have skilled friends or family members who can do this for them.

I don't make book trailers for Omnium Gatherum books. I wish I could. I think it would be fun, but as a small publisher with limited advertising dollars it's not an expense I can justify. I think a good cover, a good book description and dedication to getting the word out on book blogs and social media is a better way to go.

Delphine Dodd by S.P. Miskowski (by SP Miskowski and Cory Herndon)
http://youtu.be/qJ745NCBsHY

Hard Winter by Neil Davies (by Tony Longworth)
http://youtu.be/IcIvfIO2Mok

D. KIRK CUNNINGHAM
Head Publicist, Jolly Fish Press

(Kirk's views are his own and are not necessarily shared by Jolly Fish Press, its authors, editors and enslaved interns.)

Book trailers are fun. They're fun to produce, fun to write, and they can (sometimes) be fun for fans. But as a marketing material, book trailers are weak. I've only seen one "book trailer" that actually convinced me to buy the book (see below) and it's more of a promo video than a book trailer.

Movie trailers make sense. All it takes is footage that has already been produced, some tasteful cutting, and maybe a voice-over. Book trailers, on the other hand, have to be made from scratch. They quickly become expensive. And the truth is, even most well made book trailers rarely get more than a few thousand or hundred views. On a side note, can you imagine if a movie studio released part of the screenplay in order to promote their movie? It would very likely fail.

A marketing budget is usually better spent on other strategies. Most readers, including myself, will be more compelled to buy a book if you offer a sneak peak at the first chapter rather than book trailer.

I love book trailers, but I don't think they're effective.

Kirk's favorite Book Trailer:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPw8C1fID80

JOHNNY WORTHEN
Writer, Voyager, Damn Fine Human Being
Author of Bram Stoker® Preliminary Overlooked Beatrysel

Okay, here’s what I think of Book Trailers. I think I mentioned it before but I look at them like book signings - they get a little notice, are a lot of fun, but don’t sell books and are, by that metric, probably a waste of time. Since being an author is a business as well as an mental disorder, it’s probably a pretty important metric to use.

Writing a book is one thing, getting people to notice it is something else entirely (and don’t even get me started about getting people to actually read them). Anything you can do to get people to notice your book is a good thing. Period.

The book trailer trade off is the time and effort and energy involved in putting one together.

The dangers are that it’ is that it’ll backfire. It could, but not really. But if it sucks, don’t use it. If it’s too expensive, don’t buy it.

The reality is that a book trailer can be another tool in your kit. If it’s quality, you can find use for it somewhere, somehow. You can use them on blogs, at signings and talks and have it to email people with short attention spans who’ll probably never buy your book anyway but want to show you some support.

As terrible as it sounds, I think that most people who might stumble upon a book trailer on YouTube are not the kind of people who read. Anything. If you have a book trailer and post it to YouTube it will do no good unless you send people there. So it’s all about getting the word out, which is pretty much what you’re trying to do with your book as well. It’s another tool to do that. Best if they’d forego the video clip and read your masterpiece instead, but it might help.

Might.

It’s probably best to put your marketing money and effort elsewhere, but if you a little extra of both lying around, Book Trailers are cool. I want one. If someone offers to make me one, I’ll consider it.

Write on!

Book Trailers Part 4 - The God-Awful Informercial & The Hey Looky Here

I know, I know. It's been a while what with all the conventions, cover reveals, edits, contracts, distractions and other groovy stuff getting in the way of science. Well I'm back and I'm here to lay on you the next spine-tingling installment of my strange journey into Book Trailers.

I classified the book trailers I found into five categories listed below.

• The Blurb Spot,
• The Mood Medley,
• The Narrative Snippet, 
• The God-Awful Infomercial,  <<< YOU ARE HERE
• The “Hey Looky Here!”  <<< AND HERE
• Coming soon: Comments and wrap up

If you’ve been following this earth-shattering series you’ll notice I'm changing things up a bit today. I dedicated an entire post on each one of the first three but I'm going to lump the last two in this one today because I only have one example of each. I coulnd't make myself look for another "God-Awful Informercial," and my "Hey Looky Here" cannot be followed.

If you haven’t seen the previous posts, grab some popcorn and go check them out. It’s all linked above. I'll wait.

<Pause while you go back and read my brilliance in the previous posts>

Back so soon? Wipe that grin off your face. Yes, I write long fiction too. Check out BEATRYSEL now on Amazon and watch for THE UNSEEN ELEANOR coming out in July. But now, back to the blog.

Okay, here we go, the God-Awful Infomercial.

One of the reasons it took me so long to get to this post is that I absolutely hate the next  book trailer. Maybe if it were for a different book by a different author in a different dimension where greed wasn’t made a virtue and religion a tool of oppression, patriarchy and conservative politics, I could warm up to it. But then of course I’d be a being of pure thought then, transcendental and orange. Yeah, I’d probably be orange.

Check this out.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0QPHGVawxE

I don’t like Dave Ramsey. I associate his voice with right wing hate radio, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. A friend of mine gave us tickets and the wife and I attended a Dave Ramsey show here in town. It was a money management seminar, but it was held in an auditorium and he spent as much time plugging books and other seminars as he did teaching us the principals of money management. I got a couple of good gems out of it, but the experience was so heavily politicized it made my tie-dye bleed.

Okay, putting aside my own feelings, I have to admit that this is a good book-trailer. Or do I? Is it really a book trailer or is it just a commercial?

I wrestled with this for a while while I decided to include it or not in this survey and came to the conclusion that it was a book trailer. How else can a non-fiction book be presented except by a commercial/infomercial? I guess one could show what was in the book, give demonstrations and quotes, share a little info, but this works too and is the more common approach.

"Infomercial" might be too generous a title for this one. This trailer doesn’t give any information. Like the Mood Medley, it’s working on emotion not fact or direct content. It doesn’t offer any useful tidbits of information that would lead to interest in the book, like putting money aside in savings, not using credit cards or paying tithing regularly to your local Conservative Super PAC, which are probably all in the book. Nope, nothing useful in this bit of imagery except happy American people living better lives because (assumedly) of what they read in the professionally advertised book.

It is one slick commercial. Television quality - primetime, not just late night insomnia theater. It has money behind it. It's slick.

Family, work, and blame are all present. The cornerstones of any good book on fiscal responsibility. Considering Ramsey’s crowd, and having seen him live, I have little doubt that the formula in this book trailer is effective for his audience. It’s probably playing in a loop right now in some SuperDome lobby while people stand in line to buy his books at a special seminar discount prices. As of this writing, Smart Money Smart Kids hasn't been released yet, but I'll bet good money it's a best seller when it is. Say what I will, Ramsey sells books. There's much to appreciate in his marketing.

But it's Dave Ramsey.... Ahhhhgggg. Moving on.

What we need now is a palate cleanser. This brings us to one of my favorite book trailers of all time.

I present to you the Hey Looky Here! in the form of a "book trailer" for Brent Michael Kelley's Chuggie and The Desecration of Stagwater.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBqZg1pR1DY

Wasn't that something? Or was it something else?

This little masterpiece was commission and delivered from Fiverr.com for five bucks. It’s worth a hundred times that for just it's camp factor, don't you think. Hula-hoop, bunny ears, tattooed navel, rock and roll and pink everywhere. Gotta' love the internet.

Chuggie is an off the wall fantasy character, so an off-the-wall trailer is perfect. But who cares - this is just the kind of thing the internet was made for. Watch it again.

So silly.

Is this an effective book trailer? It depends on what you want it to do. If you want it to sell your book, this might do as well as anything else insofar as it’s interesting, hypnotic and mentions the book. The strange tale of Chuggie and Stagwater is not diminished by this silliness. I’ve read it and I know. The book is a riot, like this trailer. Both just make me happy.


Next week I’ll sum up my findings on book trailers and let some other people say a word or two.